Date: 12 Jul 2025
PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy
⬆️ PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy
Updated whenever the cats decide it's outdated.
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🐾 1. Feeding schedule
- &Cats are to be fed when hungry, which, according to them, is always.
- &If a cat claims to be starving five minutes after eating - believe them. You're late.
🐾 2. Approved food items
- &Gourmet kibble that costs more than your lunch
- &Wet food served at room temperature, on a ceramic dish
- &Treats (because they did a thing)
- &That expensive tuna you bought for yourself - it's theirs now
🐾 3. Prohibited food items
- &Anything labeled "vet-approved"
- &Leftovers (unless you're trying to insult them)
- &Generic brand food (how dare you)
🐾 4. Feeding etiquette
- &Do not make eye contact while they eat. You'll break the spell.
- &Food must be served with a verbal offering: "Here you go, dinner is served, Your Majesty."
- &If multiple cats are present, they all want what the other one got. Rotate plates. Begin again. Forever.
🐾 5. Midnight snacks
- &Yes.
- &Don't ask.
🐾 6. The "empty bowl" rule
- &If a bowl is 70% full, it's 100% empty.
- &Refill immediately. Apologize for the oversight.
🐾 7. Human consequences
Failure to follow these guidelines may result in:
- Judgmental stares
- &Paw-swat to the face at 3 a.m.
- &Strategic hairball placement
- &Passive-aggressive purring near guests who like dogs
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❗️Note: All policies are subject to change without notice, based on the whims of the feline board of directors. <
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