PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy

PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy
Updated whenever the cats decide it's outdated.
- 🐾 1. Feeding schedule
- ▫️Cats are to be fed when hungry, which, according to them, is always.
- ▫️If a cat claims to be starving five minutes after eating - believe them. You're late.
- 🐾 2. Approved food items
- ▫️Gourmet kibble that costs more than your lunch
- ▫️Wet food served at room temperature, on a ceramic dish
- ▫️Treats (because they did a thing)
- ▫️That expensive tuna you bought for yourself - it's theirs now
- 🐾 3. Prohibited food items
- ▫️Anything labeled "vet-approved"
- ▫️Leftovers (unless you're trying to insult them)
- ▫️Generic brand food (how dare you)
- 🐾 4. Feeding etiquette
- ▫️Do not make eye contact while they eat. You'll break the spell.
- ▫️Food must be served with a verbal offering: "Here you go, dinner is served, Your Majesty."
- ▫️If multiple cats are present, they all want what the other one got. Rotate plates. Begin again. Forever.
- 🐾 5. Midnight snacks
- ▫️Yes.
- ▫️Don't ask.
- 🐾 6. The "empty bowl" rule
- ▫️If a bowl is 70% full, it's 100% empty.
- ▫️Refill immediately. Apologize for the oversight.
🐾 7. Human consequences
Failure to follow these guidelines may result in:
- ▫️Judgmental stares
- ▫️Paw-swat to the face at 3 a.m.
- ▫️Strategic hairball placement
- ▫️Passive-aggressive purring near guests who like dogs
❗️Note: All policies are subject to change without notice, based on the whims of the feline board of directors.
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