PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy
⬆️ PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy
Updated whenever the cats decide it's outdated.
🐾 1. Feeding schedule
Cats are to be fed when hungry, which, according to them, is always.
If a cat claims to be starving five minutes after eating - believe them. You're late.
🐾 2. Approved food items
Gourmet kibble that costs more than your lunch
Wet food served at room temperature, on a ceramic dish
Treats (because they did a thing)
That expensive tuna you bought for yourself - it's theirs now
🐾 3. Prohibited food items
Anything labeled "vet-approved"
Leftovers (unless you're trying to insult them)
Generic brand food (how dare you)
🐾 4. Feeding etiquette
Do not make eye contact while they eat. You'll break the spell.
Food must be served with a verbal offering: "Here you go, dinner is served, Your Majesty."
If multiple cats are present, they all want what the other one got. Rotate plates. Begin again. Forever.
🐾 5. Midnight snacks
Yes.
Don't ask.
🐾 6. The "empty bowl" rule
If a bowl is 70% full, it's 100% empty.
Refill immediately. Apologize for the oversight.
🐾 7. Human consequences
Failure to follow these guidelines may result in:
Judgmental stares
Paw-swat to the face at 3 a.m.
Strategic hairball placement
Passive-aggressive purring near guests who like dogs
❗️
Note: All policies are subject to change without notice, based on the whims of the feline board of directors.
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