PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy

⬆️ PeopleCats.Garden Official Cat Feeding Policy

Updated whenever the cats decide it's outdated.

🐾 1. Feeding schedule

• Cats are to be fed when hungry, which, according to them, is always.
• If a cat claims to be starving five minutes after eating - believe them. You're late.

🐾 2. Approved food items

• Gourmet kibble that costs more than your lunch
• Wet food served at room temperature, on a ceramic dish
• Treats (because they did a thing)
• That expensive tuna you bought for yourself - it's theirs now

🐾 3. Prohibited food items

• Anything labeled "vet-approved"
• Leftovers (unless you're trying to insult them)
• Generic brand food (how dare you)

🐾 4. Feeding etiquette

• Do not make eye contact while they eat. You'll break the spell.
• Food must be served with a verbal offering: "Here you go, dinner is served, Your Majesty."
• If multiple cats are present, they all want what the other one got. Rotate plates. Begin again. Forever.

🐾 5. Midnight snacks

• Yes.
• Don't ask.

🐾 6. The "empty bowl" rule

• If a bowl is 70% full, it's 100% empty.
• Refill immediately. Apologize for the oversight.

🐾 7. Human consequences

Failure to follow these guidelines may result in:

• Judgmental stares
• Paw-swat to the face at 3 a.m.
• Strategic hairball placement
• Passive-aggressive purring near guests who like dogs

❗️Note: All policies are subject to change without notice, based on the whims of the feline board of directors.

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